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HOWEVER, my boyfriend's ex-wife is another story. She chose to end their marriage, however she is neurotic about him dating me. Without her in the picture we all get along beautifully. I love his kids, and my kids love him (and vice versa). Our children are friends and get along well, unless his ex starts playing her games. She is constantly saying things to undermine my boyfriend, and make their children feel like my children and I are taking all of their father's time, money, etc. (none of which is true - we are VERY family oriented, and constantly strive to put the children first). His ex continues to sign their children up for an absurd amount of extra curricular activities (up to 5 activities each), which is draining on the budget, and impossible to manage time wise (practices every night, and some BEFORE school, games every weekend!). She becomes unreasonable whenever my boyfriend suggests that they cut back on their children's activities, and threatens to tell the kids that "your father doesn't want you to play " because he spends all of his time and money on (me). He then feels trapped and feels forced to agree to this insane schedule.
He has attempted to talk to her many times, but she always pitches a fit, and gets her way.
Not being married to him, and even if I were, I do not feel that it is my place to tell him he should cut back on his kids' activities (although we have discussed it, and I have told him how it makes me feel). If I want to spend time with him, I have to cater to his kid's schedule, and so does my children.
My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He is as torn about this as I am, and he is trying very hard to come to some resolve.
It is hurtful to him that his ex-wife says such vile things about him and about me to the children.
I always try to take the higher road, and set a positive example for the kids. I think they see this (my relationship with his children is very good), but it is confusing to them when their mother tries to undermine us.
I'm sorry this post is so long, I just need to rant a little bit before I burst!
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of nonsense? I'm open to any advice.
Thank you!
Posted 1 hour ago
Rating:5.00
Comments
- Kill the bitch!
Posted 1 month ago - Keep taking the high road. Eventually this will come back to bite her. Don't stoop to her level.
Posted 1 week ago - My ex points at me negatively when I don't have the time to spend with her and my older kids due to pressing work and current family obligations. I am made out to be the bad guy... and am constantly treated like garbage because of it. Hopefully the kids will see this alienation tactic for what it is... and will come around as I refuse to be pushed around by her means of manipulation.
Posted 1 month ago - Honey, I've been dealing with a similar situation for almost 3 years now - the mom uses the kids and their supposed "needs" (who the *$%@# NEEDS that many activities?? How about some down time for those poor kids? Tell your boyfriend that he is NOT REQUIRED to pay for all those activities. If he pays CS, he is not REQUIRED to pay any extra if he so chooses - but I know he is driven by GUILT. He needs to talk to his KIDS about their activities, and HE is their parent, HE is providing the $$, and HE has EVERY RIGHT to say "NO". I don't know about you, but my parents sure didn't coddle ME that way!! Let him know that this crazy ex-wife of his IS NOT GOING TO LET UP, NO MATTER IF HE PAYS UP OR NOT. She will ALWAYS find something else to badmouth him to the kids about. ALWAYS, until she MOVES ON in her own life. He needs to tell his kids and his ex-wife that he is willing to pay for ONE extracurricular activity, PERIOD, and STAND HIS GROUND. Again, the crazy ex- is going to badmouth him NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, GOOD OR BAD. She will lie to her kids faces. He needs to COMMUNICATE with his kids REGULARLY, and he needs to figure out how to BE HONEST and STRAIGHTFORWARD with his kids as much as possible without totally bashing their nutjob of a mother. I recommend he tells them, "I am NOT trying to speak badly about your mom, but you deserve to have me speak honestly and openly with you, just as I want you to always know you can speak HONESTLY AND OPENLY with me."
It will be a long road, my dear, and you will need to have MUCH patience if you are staying with him. In the meantime, check out the following forum - it will help you greatly, methinks! Good luck to you!
http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?board=9.0
Posted 1 month ago - Oh, also (I wrote the above reply) - remind your boyfriend that maybe, just maybe, hie kids will actually be RELIEVED to have less activities. They are probably exhausted. HE NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM, NOT HER, ABOUT THIS. I also suggest you do some reading on Parallel Parenting. Hopefully you can get him past the divorce guilt and get him on board to being a strong dad for his kids - which doesn't just mean shelling out money and DEFINITELY doesn't mean following "Her Majesty" the nutjob's orders. His kids need to learn to stand up to her when she starts bullying them, which WILL most likely happen - mark my words! I don't know their ages, but please ask your boyfriend to think ahead to those tumultuous teenage years when those kids will ABHOR their crazy mom trying to run their every waking moment, and their mom will not know how to deal with them questioning her actions or backtalking her the way teenagers do. She will FREAK when they become more independent - and DAD needs to have taught them how to be strong.....
Posted 3 hours ago - uh, do we have the same life or WHAT? Our ex-wife is supposedly the pillar of her little community (pop. 5000) she signs the kids up for so many activities (even though they are failing academically) JUST TO BE SEEN 24/7 and for her kids TO BE POPULAR. that is all that matters to her: for her and the kids to be popular and to trash the father and myself to the kids and her entire community! If you have your BF's support then go ahead and set house rules, but if you don't (like i don't; too much parenting by guilt) DISENGAGE! keep saying over and over "not my kids, not my problem" this sounds harsh but it is the only way to preserve your sanity; i've been dealing with this for the past 4 years w/ my BF. good luck, you're gonna need it!
Posted 1 month ago - I am going to suggest a book that I have learned about from a step-family support group I belong to. The name of the book is called Divorce Poison by Dr. Worshak (I think that is the spelling, but I am drawing a blank on the first name). It will help you deal with things like this.
what this boils down to is that the ex-wife doesn't want him, but she doesn't want any one else in his life. She wants to see her ex-husband being miserable because he can't be happier or have a better life then hers.
I had to deal with a lunatic when I got together with my DH.
My suggestion is that you find a step-family support group and they will be able to help you with suggestions in dealing with this kind of crap. Also it will help you feel that you are not alone.
Good luck with dealing with the raving lunatic.
Posted 1 month ago - I suggest sucking my d.ick.
Posted 1 month ago - I too have to deal with an X this weekend. I have always avoided X's like the plague. But this is a Wedding. I expect to be diss'd. I expect to be talked about. I am also aware of the fact that there will be some people there that are higher than 5th grade and they will pick up on my ability to be a class act. But, when cornered I have the quickest whit one can imagine and I can and will draw blood with my whit is I have too. I rarely allow anyone to disrespect me. Define the boundaries well and keep them managed.
Posted 1 month ago - Can you draw my juice out of my Ball Sack? i promise I'll respect you in the morning, Bitch.
Posted 1 month ago - They are all from the mother ship. I had to pay for singing lessons-dance-half of a cell phone bill. If anyone ever tells you that you only have to pay CS. Massachusetts has different rules. If you are a female, you get it all. I had to pay for a class ring not just a class ring. it had diamond on it...That blood sucking bitch...I hadn't seen my daughter in 2 years at that point...All I hear is that she will come around..hows about paying 1/2 of drivers ed. thats coming around.
Posted 1 month ago - I never see my ex husband & thankfully we had no kids together, but I'm now with a fantastic, gorgeous man, who has kids & step kids. 1 lives with us & 1 with his ex wife. The one with his ex-wife is autistic, so sh gets his disability, she's never worked & we only get to see him cos she wants to go on the piss(every Wed & every Fri, Sat night & sun daytime). Plus we get step daughters kids (his grandkids as such) every weekend too (sat day & night & sun daytime). So if I want a quiet weekend I make arrangements & we go to my parents. Its great there, we go out & about & have a good laugh. But not once in our time together have we had a weekend to ourselves & after working all week, I think we're entitled to it. Even if we had the kids on alternate weekends it would be something. I do all the cooking, housework & cleaning too. He just can't see it. Oh! the best bit is, his ex-wife the other day, went to visit an old neighbour, who'd just come out of hospital & when asked where her husband was, she told the neighbour he was dead!!! The neighbour saw him in the garden last Sat playing with the kids & told him. She didn't have the balls to say 'I screwed around & got kicked out'.He's also had all the text wanting him back. she's been told to get lost(or words to that effect).
Sorry, needed that good rant.
My sympathies are with you dealing with his ex.
Posted 1 month ago - You are not alone. My boyfriend's ex is a low life. She doesn't work becuase she says she feels it is better for the children. However she is just lazy. Then she demands my boyfirnd pay for everything. And then she insists she registers the kids so that she gets all of the info on the activites. then if she is having a conflict with me or him she either does not tell us about the activity or gives us the wrong dates times and location. The kids don't even want her around especially the boys. They want their dad there for sports etc. She is so insecure becuase the kids are her meal ticket.
Posted 1 month ago - OMG I swear this could my husbands EX Wife you're talking about!
She has been nothing short of nasty and vindictive, and like your Man, his Ex was the one who ended the marriage...
We also have both been married before and both have school age kids who get along great... but it only adds to her anger that her kids are doing great, and my husband has moved on in his life with me while she has remained single (due to being so nasty)
She signs the kids up for year round soccer, hockey, baseball you name it, and then wants my husband to foot the whole bill, if or when he says no then she tells the kids that he doesn't want them to be happy and its his fault.
My kids and I have also had to endure his Ex wifes schedule out of the guilt she lays at my husbands feet, and to boot, his Ex wife just filed bankruptcy after she "funded" a new boyfriend she had remodel of his house so it would be "good enough" for her to move in, and then turned around and hired a private nanny for the summer telling my husband that if her kids can't go to the amusment park, water parks, ect. EVERY DAY of the summer that they were being deprived! While I have to rely on my family to help me with daycare for the summer because I cannot afford all of that, she of course thinks my husband should do this or "he doesn't love the kids" I feel your pain... wish I could say it gets better, but I've been dealing with this crap for 4 years now, and sadly it's only gotten worse.
Posted 3 hours ago - Lets see my fiance's ex......She has custody of my fiances child,but the child resides with us..And yes she STILL gets child support..The child resides with us because the ex couldn't make sure the child goes too school..She was taken to court for truancy,and my fiance was given temporary custody..He has talked to her about taking full custody of the child...He was asked by her "What can he do for the child the she can't do?"He responded " We give her a stable life." The mother resides with her best friend..All I know is when the ex is mean and nasty..Kill her with kindness..Oh, my ex and I get along great..We have 3 children together..We don't do the child support thing, cause we BOTH know WE made the 3 children TOGETHER and it's gonna still take BOTH OF US to take of our children even though we are no longer married.
Posted 3 weeks ago - I have BEEN there, baby. GET OUT while you still can! I made the mistake of marrying the guy, and things with the family only got worse. Now I'm with a man who has also been married before with a 16 and 18 year old, and this family is much better adjusted, and the exes are two states away.
Things will never, EVER change. After 13 years, after my health and my sanity started to disintigrate, I decided it was time for me to move on. Regardless of how much I loved my ex, I couldn't take it anymore.
Posted 2 weeks ago
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